


Murphy's Law for Dwarves

by arelenriel



Category: Lord of the Rings - Fandom
Genre: Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-23
Updated: 2015-05-23
Packaged: 2018-03-31 21:58:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3994420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arelenriel/pseuds/arelenriel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a tribute to arabasiels' story Murphy's Law for Elves.. Slightly funny look at how dwarves relate to other races and what happens when they try do so well</p>
            </blockquote>





	Murphy's Law for Dwarves

If there is one piece of meat lying on the table the hobbit will take it before you can get there.

Inevitably belching occurs when least appropriate e.g when you and your party are trying to hide from a large group of orcs.

Only a fool tries to drink an elf under the table. No one will remember that you drank all the humanIs under the table, only that you lost to the elf. (and said some very strange things about little hairy women.)

Never ever, ever hit an Elven Ring of Power with your axe. You will fail and their owners will blame you for their migraines later.

When entering dark forests keep all weapons sheathed especially if the forest is guarded by Ents.

In a situation between elves and dwarves the elves will always blame the dwarf.

Telling dirty jokes to elflings is a really bad idea. Especially when the Ada of said elflings is standing right behind you.

Never ever join a mission that requires the skills of a long distance runner. Dwarves are short distance sprinters, not cross country runners.

If you are a guest in Lorien inevitably you will end up falling out of your guest flet right onto the top of Lady Galadriel.

Avoid waking up Elf Lords in the middle of the night with drinking songs.

When choosing tactics for underground battles you will always forget to take into account the fact that elves and humans are tall.

Dwarves and horses are not a good combination.

When meeting any Elf Lord for the first time remember that no matter how you behave he will think of you as being smelly, dirty, uncouth and greedy. So you may as well act how you want in the first place.

When doing contract work for Humans or Elf Lords always get a signed contract and 50 of your contracting fees up front (Thranduil this applies to you).

Unless you wish to deal with angry wizards always count the members of your party prior to escaping Goblin caves.

Always remember the hold on to the Hobbit when riding on the backs of Eagles.

You can't hunt deer with an axe, so avoid hunting with Elves.

The Elven Princeling will always kill one more Uruk-Hai than you do so don't even bother trying.

No matter how many times you instruct the servants at Imladris not to wash your lucky socks they always will.

When your lucky socks get washed anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

Elf Lords get suspicious of dwarves who make passes at the wives of said Elf Lord..


End file.
